Hogfather (Terry Pratchett)

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Far, far away and a long, long time ago, a shop door opened. The little toy maker bustled in from the workshop in the rear, and then stopped, with amazing foresight, dead.

YOU HAVE A BIG WOODEN ROCKING HORSE IN THE WINDOW, said the new customer.

“Ah, yes, yes, yes.” The shopkeeper fiddled nervously with his square-rimmed spectacles. He hadn’t heard the bell, and this was worrying him. “But I’m afraid that’s just for show, that is a special order for Lord—”

NO. I WILL BUY IT.

“No, because, you see—”

THERE ARE OTHER TOYS?

“Yes, indeed, but—”

THEN I WILL TAKE THE HORSE. HOW MUCH WOULD THIS LORDSHIP HAVE PAID YOU?

“Er, we’d agreed twelve dollars but—”

I WILL GIVE YOU FIFTY, said the customer.

The little shopkeeper stopped in mid-remonstrate and started up in mid-greed. There were other toys, he told himself quickly. And this customer, he thought with considerable prescience, looked like someone who did not take no for an answer and seldom even bothered to ask the question. Lord Selachii would be angry, but Lord Selachii wasn’t here. The stranger, on the other hand, was here. Incredibly here.

“Er…well, in the circumstances…er…shall I wrap it up for you?”

NO. I WILL TAKE IT AS IT IS. THANK YOU. I WILL LEAVE VIA THE BACK WAY, IF IT’S ALL THE SAME TO YOU.

“Er…how did you get in?” said the shopkeeper, pulling the horse out of the window.

THROUGH THE WALL. SO MUCH MORE CONVENIENT THAN CHIMNEYS, DON’T YOU THINK?

The apparition dropped a small clinking bag on the counter and lifted the horse easily. The shopkeeper wasn’t in a position to hold onto anything. Even yesterday’s dinner was threatening to leave him.

The figure looked at the other shelves.

YOU MAKE GOOD TOYS.

“Er…thank you.”

INCIDENTALLY, said the customer, as he left, THERE IS A SMALL BOY OUT THERE WITH HIS NOSE FROZEN TO THE WINDOW. SOME WARM WATER SHOULD DO THE TRICK.

Death walked out to where Binky was waiting in the snow and tied the toy horse behind the saddle.

ALBERT WILL BE VERY PLEASED. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE. HO. HO. HO.

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  • 8. 2. 2024