humor

‚How will this work?‘ said Sacharissa, trying to look intelligent. It was much better to concentrate on something like this than think about strange men getting ready to invade again. / ‚Slowly,‘ mumbled Goodmountain, fiddling with the press. ‚You realize that this means it’ll take us much longer to print each paper?‘ / ‚You vanted colour, I gif you colour,‘ said Otto sulkily. ‚You never said qvick.‘ / Sacharissa looked at the experimental iconograph. Mos…

Tick /   / Igor opened the door before the second knock. An Igor might be filling coffins with earth in the cellar, or up on the roof adjusting the lightning conductor, but a caller never had to knock twice. / ‚Ladythip,‘ he muttered, nodding his head. He looked blankly at the six figures behind her. / ‚We have called to inspect progress,‘ said Lady LeJean. / ‚And thethe ladieth and gentlemen, ladythip?‘ / ‚My associates,‘ said her ladyship, matching Igor’s b…

The air blew off the mountains, filling the air with fine ice crystals. It was too cold to snow. In weather like this wolves came down into villages, trees in the heart of the forest exploded when they froze. Except there were fewer and fewer wolves these days, and less and less forest. / In weather like this right-thinking people were indoors, in front of the fire. / Telling stories about heroes.

Look, constable, what I don’t understand is, surely he / wouldn’t be into blues? Because that was Wayne’s life for / you. A blues single. I mean, if people were music, Wayne / would be like one of those scratchy old numbers, you / know, re-recorded about a hundred times from the / original phonograph cylinder or whatever, with some / old guy with a name like Deaf Orange Robinson standing / knee-deep in the Mississippi and moaning through his / nose. / You’d think he’d be m…

Someone was writing in the gloom, the scritching of their pen the only sound. / Until a door creaked open. / The writer turned as quick as a bird. ‚You? I told you never to come back here!‘ / ‚I know, I know, but it’s that damn thing! The production line stopped and it got out and it’s killed that priest!‘ / ‚Did anyone see it?‘ / ‚In the fog we had last night? I shouldn’t think so. But—‘ / ‚Then it is not, ah-ha, a matter of significance.‘ / ‚No? They’re not s…

The temporal ruler of the sprawling city of Ankh-Morpork was sitting in his chair at the foot of the steps leading up to the throne, looking for any signs of intelligence in intelligence reports. The throne had been empty for more than two thousand years, since the death of the last of the line of the kings of Ankh. Legend said that one day the city would have a king again, and went on with various comments about magic swords, strawberry birthmar…

In order to establish continuity with later events, this may be the time to point out that the greatest mathematician in the history of the Discworld was lying down and peacefully eating his supper. / It is interesting to note that, owing to this mathematician’s particular species, what he was eating for his supper was his lunch.

Lady Ramkin ran her hands over Errol’s body. / „Damned if I know what’s going on in there,“ she said. The little dragon tried to lick her face. „What’s he been eating?“ / „The last thing, I think, was a kettle,“ said Vimes. / „A kettle of what?“ / „No. A kettle. A black thing with a handle and spout. He sniffed it for ages, then he ate it.“ / Enrol grinned weakly at him, and belched. They both ducked. / „Oh, and then we found him eating soot out of the chimney,“ V…

Astfgl stood in front of his mirror. / „Show me what they can see,“ he commanded. / Yes, master. / Astfgl inspected the whirring image for a moment. / „Tell me what this means,“ he said. / I’m just a mirror, master. What do I know? / Astfgl growled. „And I’m Lord of Hades,“ he said, gesturing with his trident. „And I’m prepared to risk another seven years‘ bad luck.“ / The mirror considered the available options. / I might be able to hear some creaking, lord, it venture…

‚That’s all what?‘ said the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, next morning. / The man in front of him shivered with fear. / ‚Don’t know, lordship,‘ he said. ‚They wouldn’t let me in. They made me wait outside the door, lordship.‘ / He twisted his forgers together nervously. The Patrician’s stare had him pinned. It was a good stare, and one of the things it was good at was making people go on talking when they thought they had finished. / Only the Patrician knew…

It wasn’t just the Great God that spoke to Vorbis, in the confines of his head. Everyone spoke to an exquisitor, sooner or later. It was just a matter of stamina. / Vorbis didn’t often go down to watch the inquisitors at work these days. Exquisitors didn’t have to. He sent down instructions, he received reports. But special circumstances merited his special attention. / It has to be said … there was little to laugh at in the cellar of the Quisit…

And they awoke. / The sun was well over the Rim. People pulled themselves to their feet, staring at one another. / There was not an elf in sight. / Nanny Ogg was the first to speak. Witches can generally come to terms with what actually (‚s, instead of insisting on what ought to be. / She looked up at the moors. „The first thing we do,“ she said, „the first thing, is put back the stones.“ / „The second thing,“ corrected Magrat. / They both looked down at the still…

The Patrician of Ankh-Morpork sat back on his austere chair with the sudden bright smile of a very busy person at the end of a crowded day who’s suddenly found in his schedule a reminder saying: 7.00-7.05, Be Cheerful and Relaxed and a People Person. / ‚Well, of course I was very saddened to receive your letter, captain …‘ / ‚Yes, sir,‘ said Vimes, still as wooden as a furniture warehouse. / ‚Please sit down, captain.‘ / ‚Yes, sir.‘ Vimes remained sta…

Ridcully was sitting at his desk now, surrounded by his senior wizards. They were trying to tell him things, despite the known danger of trying to tell Ridcully things, which was that he picked up the facts he liked and let the others take a running jump. / ‚So,‘ he said, ‚not a kind of cheese.‘ / ‚No, Archchancellor,‘ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. ‚Rincewind is a kind of wizard.‘ / ‚Was,‘ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. / ‚Not a cheese,‘ said Rid…