Discworld – Pyramids (Terry Pratchett)

The tall man gave Teppic a nod.

'Take no notice of him, boy,' he said. 'He's just covering himself because of the accident last week.'

'The tortoise did beat the hare,' said Xeno sulkily.

'The hare was dead, Xeno,' said the tall man patiently.

'Because you shot it.'

'I was aiming at the tortoise. You know, trying to combine two experiments, cut down on expensive research time, make full use of available-' Xeno gestured with the bow, which now had another arrow in it.

'Excuse me,' said Teppic. 'Could you put it down a minute? Me and my friend have come a long way and it would be nice not to be shot at again.'

These two seem harmless, he thought, and almost believed it.

He whistled. On cue, Ptraci came around the dune, leading You Bastard. Teppic doubted the capability of her costume to hold any pockets whatsoever, but she seemed to have been able to repair her make-up, re-kohl her eyes and put up her hair. She undulated towards the group like a snake in a skid, determined to hit the strangers with the full force of her personality. She was also holding something in her other hand.

'She's found the tortoise!' said Xeno. 'Well done!'

The reptile shot back into its shell. Ptraci glared. She didn't have much in the world except herself, and didn't like to be hailed as a mere holder of testudinoids.

The tall man sighed. 'You know, Xeno,' he said, 'I can't help thinking you've got the wrong end of the stick with this whole tortoise-and-arrow business.'

The little man glared at him.

'The trouble with you, Ibid,' he said, 'is that you think you're the biggest bloody authority on everything.'