Discworld – Carpe Jugulum (Terry Pratchett)

The door was so hard that the wood was like stone with a grain. Someone had once thought hard about the maximum amount of force a really determined mob would be able to apply, and had then over designed.

It hung open.

'But we heard her put the bars across!' wailed Nanny.

A variously coloured lump was sprawled in front of the door. Igor knelt down and picked up a limp paw.

'They've killed Thcrapth! The bathtardth!'

'They've got Magrat and the babby!' snapped Nanny.

'He wath my only friend!'

Nanny's arm shot out and, despite his bulk, Igor was lifted up by his collar.

'You're going to have one very serious enemy really soon, my lad, unless you help us out right now! Oh, for heaven's sake…' With her spare hand she reached into her knickerleg and produced a large crumpled handkerchief. 'Have a good blow, will you?'

There was a noise like a foghorn being trodden on.

'Now, where would they take them? The place is swarming with righteous peasants!' said Nanny, when he'd finished.

'He wath alwayth ready with hith waggy tailth and hith cold nothe-' Igor sobbed.

'Where, Igor?'

Igor pointed with his finger, or at least one that he currently owned, to the far door.

'That goeth to the vaultth,' he said. 'An' they can get out through the iron gate down in the valley. You'll never catch them!'

'But it's still bolted,' said Agnes.

'Then they're thtill in the cathle, which ith thtupid-'

He was interrupted by several huge organ chords, which made the floor rumble.

'Any of the Escrow folk big musicians?' said Nanny, lowering Igor.

'How do I know?' said Agnes, as another couple of descending chords brought dust down from the ceiling. 'They wanted to hammer a stake in me and boil my head! That is not the time to ask them to give a little whistle!'

The organ piped its summons once more.

'Why'd they stay?' said Nanny. 'They could be dug in deep somewhere by now- Oh …'

'Granny wouldn't run,' said Agnes.

'No, Granny Weatherwax likes a showdown,' said Nanny, grinning artfully. 'And they're

thinkin' like her. Somehow she's making them think like her…'

'She thinks like her, too,' said Agnes.

'Let's hope she's had more practice, then,' said Nanny. 'Come on!'