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ACT II
It is seven o'clock on a beautiful midsummer morning. The scene is a glade in a wood a little way above the village of Hedgling.
GERVASE MALLORY, still in his fancy dress, but with his cloak on, comes in. He looks round him and says, "By Jove, how jolly!" He takes off his cloak, throws it down, stretches himself, turns round, and, seeing the view behind him, goes to look at it. While he is looking he hears an unmelodious whistling. He turns round with a start; the whistling goes on; he says "Good Lord!" and tries to get to his cloak. It is too late. ERN, a very small boy, comes through the trees into the glade. GERVASE gives a sigh of resignation and stands there. ERN stops in the middle of his tune and gazes at him.
ERN. Oo—er! Oo! (He circles slowly round GERVASE.)
GERVASE. I quite agree with you.
ERN. Oo! Look!
GERVASE. Yes, it is a bit dressy, isn't it? Come round to the back—take a good look at it while you can. That's right. . . . Been all round? Good!
ERN. Oo!
GERVASE. You keep saying "Oo." It makes conversation very difficult. Do you mind if I sit down?
ERN. Oo!
GERVASE (sitting down on a log). I gather that I have your consent. I thank you.
ERN. Oo! Look! (He points at GERVASE'S legs.)
GERVASE. What is it now? My legs? Oh, but surely you've noticed those before?
ERN (sitting down in front of GERVASE). Oo!
GERVASE. Really, I don't understand you. I came up here for a walk in a perfectly ordinary blue suit, and you do nothing but say "Oo." What does your father wear when he's ploughing? I suppose you don't walk all round him and say "Oo!" What does your Uncle George wear when he's reaping? I suppose you don't—By the way, I wish you'd tell me your name. (ERN gazes at him dumbly.) Oh, come! They must have told you your name when you got up this moving.
ERN (smiling sheepishly). Ern.
GERVASE (bowing). How do you do? I am very glad to meet you, Mr. Hearne. My name is Mallory. (ERN grins) Thank you.
ERN (tapping himself). I'm Ern.
GERVASE. Yes, I'm Mallory.
ERN. Ern.
GERVASE. Mallory. We can't keep on saying this to each other, you know, because then we never get any farther. Once an introduction is over, Mr. Hearne, we are—
ERN. Ern.
GERVASE. Yes, I know. I was very glad to hear it. But now—Oh, I see what you mean. Ern—short for Ernest?
ERN (nodding). They calls me Ern.
GERVASE. That's very friendly of them. Being more of a stranger I shall call you Ernest. Well, Ernest— (getting up) Just excuse me a moment, will you? Very penetrating bark this tree has. It must be a Pomeranian. (He folds his cloak upon it and sits down again) That's better. Now we can talk comfortably together. I don't know if there's anything you particularly want to discuss—nothing?—well, then, I will suggest the subject of breakfast.
ERN (grinning). 'Ad my breakfast.
GERVASE. You've had yours? You selfish brute! . . . Of course, you're wondering why I haven't had mine.
ERN. Bacon fat. (He makes reminiscent noises.)
GERVASE. Don't keep on going through all the courses. Well, what happened was this. My car broke down. I suppose you never had a motor car of your own.
ERN. Don't like moty cars.
GERVASE. Well, really, after last night I'm inclined to agree with you. Well, no, I oughtn't to say that, because, if I hadn't broken down, I should never have seen Her. Ernest, I don't know if you're married or anything of that sort, but I think even your rough stern heart would have been moved by that vision of loveliness which I saw last night. (He is silent for a little, thinking of her.) Well, then, I lost my way. There I was—ten miles from anywhere—in the middle of what was supposed to be a short cut—late at night—Midsummer Night—what would you have done, Ernest?
ERN. Gone 'ome.
GERVASE. Don't be silly. How could I go home when I didn't know where home was, and it was a hundred miles away, and I'd just seen the Princess? No, I did what your father or your Uncle George or any wise man would have done, I sat in the c…
