Reaper Man (Terry Pratchett)

“Um. It’s me, Librarian,” said Windle, trying to shout through the keyhole. “Windle Poons.”

He tried hammering some more.

“Why won’t he answer?”

“Don’t know,” said a voice behind him.

“Schleppel?”

“Yes, Mr. Poons.”

“Why are you behind me?”

“I’ve got to be behind something, Mr. Poons. That’s what being a bogeyman is all about.”

“Librarian?” said Windle, hammering some more.

“Oook.”

“Why won’t you let me in?”

“Oook.”

“But I need to look something up.”

“Oook oook!”

“Well, yes. I am. What’s that got to do with it?”

“Oook!”

“That’s—that’s unfair!”

“What’s he saying, Mr. Poons?”

“He won’t let me in because I’m dead!”

“That’s typical. That’s the sort of thing Reg Shoe is always going on about, you know.”

“Is there anyone else that knows about life force?”

“There’s always Mrs. Cake, I suppose. But she’s a bit weird.”

“Who’s Mrs. Cake?” Then Windle realized what Schleppel had just said. “Anyway, you’re a bogeyman.”

“You never heard of Mrs. Cake?”

“No.”

“I don’t suppose she’s interested in magic…Anyway, Mr. Shoe says we shouldn’t talk to her. She exploits dead people, he says.”

“How?”

“She’s a medium. Well, more a small.”

“Really? All right, let’s go and see her. And…Schleppel?”

“Yes?”

“It’s creepy, feeling you standing behind me the whole time.”

“I get very upset if I’m not behind something, Mr. Poons.”

“Can’t you lurk behind something else?”

“What do you suggest, Mr. Poons?”

Windle thought about it. “Yes, it might work,” he said quietly, “if I can find a screwdriver.”